Rose and the Doctor
by dutiegr
Summary: Set after the Doctor regenerates  into the 10th regeneration . Written from Rose's piont of veiw.
1. Contemplation

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story (if I did, it would make a lot less sense and would not be as amazing as it is)

Rose sat on her bed and stared at the wall of her bedroom. She had been sitting like that for a while now, breathing gently. In. Out. Repeat. If her exterior looked calm, then inside her head was anything but. Her mind was scrambling, trying to make sense of her situation. The Doctor had changed. In to someone else, except, deep down if you watched him, the way he moved, his frown, his smile, they were all the same. But he wasn't…right. It was hard to describe, he was the same person she trusted with her life but he was suddenly wearing a new body, a body that was confusing. This was the worst bit. Part of Rose wanted to be angry, why did he have to leave her all alone with this familiar stranger? Why did he never think to even mention, even warn her about what happens when he was mortally wounded? But, it's hard to be angry with someone you don't feel like you know, even if you saw them change before your eyes. It's hard to be angry at someone that looks so…innocent? Young? Hot?

Oh dear, just that thought in itself was going into dangerous territory. Rose had promised herself, soon after being invited aboard the TARDIS that she would not let herself fall in love with The Doctor. Well, while other people were around anyway. She didn't want to spoil the fact that he wanted her to stay, to keep him company. He had chosen her out of all the people (and aliens) in space and time, and she didn't want to hurt him by wanting something he couldn't give. Maybe didn't even feel, couldn't feel. It would just cause pain for both parties if she put herself in such a stupid and vulnerable position as to force him to make her leave. He trusted her and she refused to let him down.

They had had a comfortable relationship without any pointless and futile declarations of love anyway. He seemed happy to oblige her and keep holding hands, like he sensed that it comforted her. She could cope with aliens and other planets and near death experiences and the constant feeling of being way out of her depth, as long as he was near, as long as he cared enough to keep her safe. Surrounded by unfamiliar things and situations and people, that little bit of familiarity, that solid…_sameness_ kept her sane.

But he had to go and ruin it. Rose so desperately wanted to be angry with him. To shout and scream and rage at him, to make him feel some of the confusion and pain and loneliness that she suddenly felt. All that comfort had been ripped away from her, and what had been left in its place was a dashingly handsome, skinny young man. It was hard to be angry with brown, innocent eyes that were almost as big as her own. The big baddies were going to have a hard time keeping a straight face if, after having heard all the tales of The Doctor, they were faced with that pair.

She sighed, shattering the silence that surrounded her. She knew, had to admit, that it wasn't his fault. It was hers. She was the one that he had saved by sucking the vortex out of her head and into his own. He had, essentially died to save her from burning inside her mind. She shivered. The tiny amount of what had happened that she could remember was filled with fire and light and…sadness. She had known everything and known that everything would end. All that is would cease to be, like it never had been, lost with no one to remember, to care. The universe would disappear and there would be no one to cry, no one to miss it. It would be replaced with a new universe, all shiny and new, and there would be no one left to care that it existed only because another had died. The sadness was all because she had known that The Doctor could see this in his mind, all the time. He could feel the universe dying, every second of every day and still he kept going. He could feel how pointless, how futile life was and still he kept fighting for people, aliens that didn't know, didn't care. He kept fighting because it was the right thing to do. In the end, no one would know. No one would care. But his still did it, and this mattered more than anything. That was the reason that Rose loved him so completely (although she tried hard not to let it show…too much). He had the power to do anything, to create, to destroy, to dictate people's lives and instead he had devoted his life to watching the universe, intervening now and then because he could not stand to see others in pain when he could make a difference. He had lived for 900 years, and even though every single second left a mark of darkness on his soul, a flatness hidden deep in his eyes, he still cared. The universe had not been kind to him, had changed him, had taken his tolerance and patience for beings that thought themselves clever and powerful and turned it slowly into despair, sadness, but he still fought for what was right, even though no one deserved him.

For a few golden minutes, Rose had understood the Doctor, why he kept going. She had fought the burning in her mind, ignored the fact that she could feel herself dying because she had not wanted to leave him alone. She was the only one that understood him in that shining moment of clarity and she knew that it would destroy him to take that away from him through pure selfishness.

She should have known though, that he would save her. He was too good to let her burn, even if it meant that he would loose the only thing he craved, an equal. He kissed her and saved her and at the same time, took away any hope of complete happiness because he could not let her die, and, she had realised in a burst of happiness, because he loved her.

It was all gone now though. Her brain had hidden it all at the back of her mind, along with the memory of the pain, to save itself from the anguish that remembering would provoke. All that Rose could remember was a deep sadness, mixed in with flashes of agony and light and fire.

And now he was gone.

Except that she couldn't even grieve for the loss that she felt because he wasn't gone, not really. She needed to cry, and mourn and then move on, but she couldn't, didn't have time because he was still there, just wrong, and he expected her to understand, seemed to have forgotten that she was only human and needed time because she still didn't believe that it was really him, still wished that he hadn't left her feeling so alone. Even the TARDIS seemed to have moved on, accepted the new Doctor, and she couldn't understand, not yet. So, she did the only thing she could, and locked the pain and loss and sadness away in a drawer, to sift through later, when things had calmed down.

Then, she would keep going. She would keep helping him, even if he was different, because she had seen the goodness in him. She would help him at all costs, because he deserved it. He deserved someone to care for him, and help him and keep him safe. He deserved that right, even if everything else was taken away.

The TARDIS jolted and she knew that they had landed again. She stood up and stretched, feeling her joints cracking, then, picking up her jumper from the chair in the corner, left the room to find the Doctor, leaving all the sadness behind, for now.

TBC…..


	2. Let's Go!

Rose wandered down the quietly humming, never ending mess of corridors inside the TARDIS. For such a large network of rooms, cupboards and who knows what else it was surprisingly hard to get lost, even if you wanted to. The Doctor, the old Doctor and to Rose's mind the real Doctor, once mentioned that the TARDIS was inside her head, translating alien languages and writing for her, but recently, she had started to wonder what else it was doing. She never had any idea where she was in the TARDIS (due to the fact that all the rooms moved around), until she decided where she wanted to go, be that the console room, her bedroom, the kitchen, one of the many libraries or indeed even a cupboard, (she had tried this theory out already), she suddenly just knew which way to go. It wasn't as if she knew where she was, she just knew which direction to walk in.

This was the sort of thing that she would have asked the real Doctor- no, she had to stop thinking of him in that way, this version _was_ the real Doctor now and she had to get used to that- in a blink of an eye, but, now that he had changed, she suddenly had a craving to ask him as little as possible, to bother him as little as possible. She had no idea who he was now, so she didn't want to risk upsetting him just in case he got angry and decided to leave her stranded on some planet, a million miles away from earth. Home.

Deep down, she knew that he would never do that, no matter what his disposition was, but she couldn't help feeling just that little bit…shy. The way she would feel with a stranger. She had to meet him all over again, learn what he was like, what he did, what he didn't do, and it was this that confused her more than anything.

She walked silently into the console room and watched The Doctor running around the console. He skidded to a stop, grabbed the mallet and wacked a bell several times, paused, listened and then wacked it again for good measure. 'Needs a bit of calibrating…yep, defiantly don't like orange…maybe if I just adjust that..'

BANG

'Darn…you see, that just doesn't feel right with these new teeth, I don't remember having this much trouble before, I really hope this one isn't picky, it would make like so difficult-oops'.

He stood back holding a snow globe that had, until recently been attached to the console.

'Ah…thaaat might have been important…ah well, I'll just stick it back on later…I'm sure I had some masking tape around here somewhere- and again with the teeth, they keep getting in the way!'

Rose laughed in spite of herself. It seemed that The Doctor was just as confused as herself. The Doctor jumped at the sound and spun round.

'Rose, ooh, that felt weird. Rose, Rosey posey Rose. Hmmm. Anyway, you wouldn't happen to have any masking tape on you would you? Only, it could be important, or not, I have no idea. It's just that the snow globe fell off.'

'What was it meant to do?'

'Ummmm….something.'

'Oh, a lot of help you are then. Do you need it to fly the TARDIS?'

'Weeeel, not as such, but it probably helps, not that that is such a problem, we only have half the stuff that would usually be required to fly a normal TARDIS anyway and we haven't died yet. I guess that I'm better than I thought. The only reason is that I like to shake it before we take off. It looks pretty then.'

'Aren't you full of yourself, I'm sorry to say that I don't keep masking tape in my pockets, they're not big enough, I'll try to remember next time though if it would help.'

'Great, thanks, oh, would you press that button there, no, to the left a bit, NO, defiantly not that one.'

'Why not that one?'

'Turns the air conditioning on, horrid, I hate air conditioning, yep, that one just there.'

Rose punched the button and the TARDIS started to make a whiney kind of grating noise.

'Oops, maybe the snow globe did actually do something, or, maybe the TARDIS liked it too, no idea.'

The room shook and Rose and The Doctor where thrown backwards, just as The Doctor was moving round the console towards Rose. They collapsed in a heap onto a seat, as the shaking stopped and Rose lifted her head. She was lying on her front across the Doctor's lap, her head next to his thigh. His head was between her knees. She scrambled away from him into a sitting position and looked back at him. She just caught a glimpse of a strange expression on his face, but it disappeared before she got a proper chance to look.

'Sorry', she said.

He grinned at her, all white teeth. He was leaning back on his elbows, his hair was ruffled up and his jacket had fallen over his shoulders, making him look half undressed. To Rose, he looked completely and utterly irresistible, even if she wasn't quite sure who he was. Even if he was out of bounds.

'No harm done, you ok? Bit of a bump there, I think I may have just hit the 1720's. Still, what's done is done, wait, that's not right. Bit of a stupid thing to go round saying when I live in a time machine'.

He grinned again and stood up, offering Rose his hand. She took it and he pulled her to her feet.

'Where are we?'

'Valsaten. Just a little planet, it's in the Bronarm galaxy. Delightful scenery, nice locals too, they make really nice soup.'

He picked up his coat from a side rail and walked down the ramp to the door.

'Come on, let's go explore' he said, a manic grin plastering his face.

Rose tried to grin back but only managed a small smile. She was still worried that he would decide that he didn't want her, ever since he had asked her back aboard the TARDIS after the Christmas invasion with the Sycorax. This was their first outing and she was nervous about doing something wrong. She realised with a falling sensation in her stomach that while she had been thinking this, she hadn't moved. The Doctor was still standing by the door, but his expression had changed.

'I'm still me, you know, I've changed a little bit I know, but it's still the same man inside and I will prove that. You don't have to be afraid of me; I promise you that I won't let you get hurt'

'No, it's not that, sorry, it's just all so weird, with the face changing and then carrying on as normal an' everything.'

'Do you want to go home, because I can take you back, it doesn't matter, I really would like you to stay but I don't mind, I mean-'

'Doctor, do me a favour yeah, and shut up. I. Want. To. Stay. Stop talking so much and show me this planet. I assume that there is a reason as to why you brought me here?'

The Doctor's grin was back.

'Yeah, nice and quiet this one, I just thought that we could do with something quiet, you know, get back into the feel of things. Have a break from all the excitement and running. Like a holiday. Come on, lets go.'

Rose followed him down the ramp, unable to stop herself from thinking that every time The Doctor said something like that, they usually ended up in trouble. It was usually the 'quiet' planets that were the worst.


End file.
